This is so bad, I almost don't want to repost it <_< , almost... It is pretty grossly funny. I have taken to reading an online underground news magazine. The guy who writes it is really a twisted SOB. I'll relay his commentary on this and leave you with his troubleing, yet very amusing "Top Ten List" FIRST AND FOREMOST: This post is dedicated to Warren, a GorillaMask reader from Idaho who I’ve been exchanging somewhat weekly e-mails with for almost two months. A little over a week ago, he had a pretty nasty spill on a 4-wheeler, during which he severely damages both of his legs. A couple days later the doctors finally decided it was best to take them clean off. I like to think I’m a pretty sensitive guy, but I figured the last thing he wanted to hear was some inspirational bullshit. So I sent Warren the following short e-mail yesterday morning, and when he replied he said, “it made me laugh for the first time since I can remember.” He went on to say I had to post it on the website, and I was a bit apprehensive because it may piss some people off, but he said if it didn’t offend him it shouldn't offend anyone else. So, at his request... Ten Reasons Warren is Better Off Without Legs 1. You’ll rarely hear anyone bitch about stupid, pointless shit anymore. I’ll be damned if anyone ever complains about their life to someone without legs. If someone slips up and tries to cry to you about their girlfriend breaking up with them, just say “Oh yeah, well my fucking FEMURS broke up with me. Deal with it, asshole.” 2. Handicapped Parking. Handicapped Parking. Handicapped Parking... 3. If they make a movie about your life, your character will only have one other person to battle for the “Most Loveable Handicapped Person Named Warren” Award. ("HAVE YOU SEEN MY BASEBALL!?!") 4. You’re unique. No one knows what it’s like to be in your shoes. Mostly because you don’t wear any… but who needs details? 5. You’re a really funny guy, but after losing your legs I doubt people will put any added pressure on you to become a stand up comedian. 6. You know those workout commercials that say “Perfect body in half the time?” Well, for you that should be pretty easy. 7. I'm pretty sure no one will ask you to do manual labor ever again. No more yardwork. No more helping friends move. Just good, quality time spent between your ass and a cushion. 8. I can't understand why handicapped people never win major video game competitions. They're not out climbing rocks or playing actual sports... why not master the art of the video game? This is now my personal goal: to make you the ultimate Madden player. You could memorize formations, playbooks, tendencies, everything. If you get one of those little motorized carts, there's gotta be a way to plug a PS2 into it. 9. Have you seen the handicapped seating at ballparks and movie theatres these days? It's unreal, and during certain events I've become insanely jealous of the wheelchaired. If I'd brought an axe to some of the Mariner games I've attended over the years... I'd definitely be in your situation right now. 10. If you beat off in the shower, you won't have to deal with the only frustrating thing about that situation: washing the load out of your leghair. Hell, after writing that, I don't think I want my legs anymore. Warren, you can have them.
1. You’ll rarely hear anyone bitch about stupid, pointless shit anymore. I’ll be damned if anyone ever complains about their life to someone without legs. If someone slips up and tries to cry to you about their girlfriend breaking up with them, just say “Oh yeah, well my fucking FEMURS broke up with me. Deal with it, asshole.” I love that one
