As an 8 year old boy is crossing the street he is hit by a car and left to die. As a lady passes by she happens to see the little boy and runs up to him. When she gets there she yells out "Oh my God, do you want me to call a priest?" the boy then says "How could you think about sex at a time like this?"
A very old couple who have been married forever are sitting on the porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over & smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch & into the bushes. He crawls back up & asks, "What was that for?" She says, "For having a little pecker." He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch & into the bushes. She crawls back & says, "What was that for?" He says, "For knowing there was more than one size."
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no f*#cking bike!"
A kid and a child molester are walking through the woods. The kid starts complaining. "Hey mister, I don't know where we are going but I hope we get there soon. I am getting tired." At this the molester replies. "I don't know what the hell you are complaining about, I have to make the walk back alone."
How did the Germans conquer Poland so easy? The Germans marched into Poland backwards and all the Polish people thought they were leaving.
Two elderly women live together in a nursing home, and everyday they go outside and have a cigarette together. Then one day, its raining out, and when they go out to have a smoke, one of the women takes out a condom, cuts the end off and puts it on her cigarette. The other woman, rather confused at this point, asks her what shes doing. The woman explains that she does this so the cigarette doesn't get ruined from the rain. Well the other woman thinks this is a great idea and decides to try it for herself. So the next day she goes down to the drug store. She wheels her little old person cart up to the desk and tells the clerk she needs a box of condoms. Now this lady is over eighty, and shes on a little cart, so the clerk is a bit surprised to see this woman asking for condoms, so he asks her what type she wants, telling her that they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. The woman looks at the clerk and tells him any type will do, as long as they will fit a camel.
Supermarket Drunk A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
An old man in Virginia is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch some chickens." "You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of duct tape." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch me some ducks." "You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "It's a pussy willow." "Wait up...I'll get my hat."
Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself. After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her. After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.
ARE U SERIOUS!! LOL Let me brake it down for you precious. At first they are gangbanging the girl, and she kills herself. Then they are gangbanging the dead girl, so they bury her. Then they start having sex with each other, so they dig her back up! GET IT?!?!
Well, you left that little detail out! Maybe my mind just isn't as dirty as yours! ...or, maybe it's so dirty I was just beyond that? The world will never know... :lol:
