Job Security

You will always have a job as long as people like these are alive...

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Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the

menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I

asked for a half dozen nuggets.


"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the

teenager at the counter.


"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.


" So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"


"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six

McNuggets.



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I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and

the lady behind me put her things on the belt close

to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the

cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get

mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the

"divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not

finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"


I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think

I'll buy that today."


She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and

left. She had no clue to what had just happened.



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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into

her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as

to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and

they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM

"thingy."


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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping

beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.


She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the

battery to this door remote. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think

they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to

fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I

asked.


"No, just this remote thingy," she answered,

handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked

the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check

about the batteries. It's a long walk."



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Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none

too swift. One day

she was typing and turned to a secretary and said,

"I'm almost out of

typing paper. What do I do?"


"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told

her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the

photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank"

copies.


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My neighbor works in the operations department in

the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him

when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a

call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've

got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a

fire downtown?"



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Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by

placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to

a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the

copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the

suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was

working, the suspect confessed.